After being in a relationship with a narcissist, I have a hard time making decisions for myself. I have always been a people pleaser, a giver, a doer. I do what you want me to do.
Finally, someone asked me what do you want out of a relationship? So I thought about it and this is what I came up with.
I just want to be happy, content and at peace. I want to feel secure and safe.
So I made a list of what I want out of a relationship. My list is divided by what I must have and what I would like. The must-haves are the deal breakers. If the other person falls short in any of those categories then he is not an option. The would like side is optional it would be nice, but not mandatory.
What I want out of a relationship.
Respect for me; faithful, commitment.
(No porn, no strip clubs, no bachelor parties, no flirting with other women, no swapping partners, no going to the bar without me. I think bars are for single people. It’s not my thing. Plus these things make me feel very insecure. I’m afraid of being hurt or cheated on. I am afraid of being replaced by someone else.)
Sense of humor; (no teasing me, no putting me down in front of other people, no game playing, no mind Games.)
Responsibility; cook, clean, take care of me when sick.
Non-Smoker/Non-Alcoholic; (occasional drinking fine, chewing tobacco fine.)
Love me unconditionally; (show me don’t just tell me, accept me for me, appreciate me, encourage me, and be proud of me.)
Job; career, stable, smart, educated, security-financially, feel safe around, secure, be with me when experiencing a hard time such as a death in the family, good with money, and spend wisely.
Stay strong under pressure; man of his word, honest, spiritual.
Romantic; tell me I’m beautiful, flowers, gifts, massage, touch me, kisses, cuddles, hugs, hold my hand, quality time, adore me, strong attraction to me.
Not violent; not controlling, no ego, not competitive with me.
Gentle; kind, big heart.
Not selfish, generous.
Share same values.
Someone that is content with just staying home. Or doing family stuff or relaxing. Someone that will plan special dates.
Someone to travel with, vacations.
(This is what I want out of a relationship. I am not sure if this kind of guy even exists. Maybe I will be better off single. I am not currently looking anyway, but at least I now know what I want.)